Read below, this is strong (pay attention to point#3 and look at the video too).Parents,

We need your help! The SDL needs your assistance reinforcing the league’s mission of player skill
development and increased confidence and enjoyment. The SDL was started by knowledgeable coaches and interested adults who believed that with the right environment, kids who wanted to augment their recreational participation could dramatically improve their skills and enjoyment, and eventually the overall quality of soccer in North Texas. It would appear that the growth of academy soccer has led to an increasingly hypercompetitive adult-centric environment that measures success not by the improvement of a player’s confidence and skills, but by the number of team wins and the level of parent bravado. Most troubling is the behavior that these young children are experiencing at the games by some adults and by the complacency of the rest of us that allow it to occur.

We have a choice. We can view these children as hardened athletes whose worth is measured by how one stacks-up to the competition, or we can choose to change our focus to encourage these six to ten year olds to try their best, to learn from their mistakes, and to celebrate their new-found confidence.

The pertinent expectations of the SDL are:

1.

The coach is accountable to the league for their own behavior and that of their players and
parents.2.
Respect is the operative word whether toward the referees, amongst players or amongst
coaches. Arguing calls and engaging in banter with referees will not be tolerated –move on;
the coach can report to the league any official who is disrespectful to the players, but
interpretation of The Laws of the Game are not open to debate, particularly in a league
focused on young player development, not scores and standings.
3.A child whose parent is dismissed by a referee is not permitted to participate in any further
SDL games, including those for another SDL team, until the parent has completed the Positive
Coaching Alliance’s online parent workshop at their expense, and provided evidence of such
completion to league officials.
4.Referees are expected to conduct themselves in a professional manner and continued poor
behavior will result in their removal from further officiating in the SDL.
5.The league will cooperate fully with field complex officials to identify teams and the parents of
children whose actions are responsible for damage to the facility. This past weekend a number
of pear trees that form a barrier between fields and the lake at Blue Sky were destroyed
because unsupervised small children pulled off the budding branches on these trees.


Parents, it is up to you. What choice will you make?

On the next page are some video clips links from the Football Association Respect campaign that are
well worth watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezZ2ZRfSsLY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnNd-HfD87g&feature=fvwrel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcEPMygIXiM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOf81jcqyYc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRcv-ZRMCXI&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zia1qExd8ZE&NR=1

Although I wouldn't consider myself a raving, mean-spirited, lunatic on the sideline, I did find myself cringing at some of the statements made. Mostly because at some time or another I have said something similar. It takes a real man to admit this, and an even bigger man to attempt to change for the sake of our kids. Thanks for posting this Gababa.

We received that email last pm as a forward from our team manager. I must admit that I totally agree with the statements and the intent. Parents seem to have a lack of patience, seem to be living their lives via their children, or have a variety of personality disorders that are becoming evident. It has become increasingly apparent that issues are developing at the parent level, as demonstrated by the back and forth bickering over the quality of various academy teams on this forum, the ranking of teams on this forum, and the listing of wins/losses in some topics on this forum. I do not mean to sound like a bleading heart liberal or polyanna. I just do not understand the point other than for parental satisfaction or some affirmation on a parental level. Are the kids playing soccer for their enjoyment and development or is it for mommy and daddy?

I certainly have found myself on limited occasion screaming, though never at a player, other than my son, or opposing parents... I would get my a** kicked. I have witnessed too many parents screaming expletives ( i do not want to sound like I am profiling, but usually in Spanish) and going at it with other parents. Often the coach is unaware of the demonstrations from the other side of the field and becomes aware only when the ref stops play because of it.

We have a parent that screams a little, ok alot, at the refs, the opposing player/parents, and at his child to the point that I stand far away from him and feel sorry for his offspring. I have not said anything to the individual, but perhaps, I should. I have never found it my place. I would have no problem if the sdl levies their penalties on me or a fellow teammate parent should we break the rules.

I have also witnessed opposing coaches, ok one opposing coach that I have listed on another topic section, scream at opposing players. The apple don't fall far from the tree folks. If we expect these children to develop into soccer players they need to learn sportsmanship from both parents and coaches, who set the example.

I wish the sdl would actually do more than send out an email to coaches and team managers. It is not until action occurs that changes will be made by both parents and clubs. I would love to see sdl representatives actually stick to item #3, watch the games personally and, then, do something. Unless, consequences occur, you will not see change.

BTW, hope there are good games this weekend...

Nothing will change but it is nice empty words. Had a girl last season on an 04 team tell the coach that she needed to score 5 goals and their power ranking would go up! For the coach to get her to play anything else but forward he had to come up with creative names like "attacking midfield forward" because her dad said she had to play forward. Just look at the boards. As long as it's the only thing that matters to the parents, it will be the only thing that matters to the kids.

go99 wrote:"attacking midfield forward"

That's funny!

mplsnsg wrote:Are the kids playing soccer for their enjoyment and development or is it for mommy and daddy?

Ban parents form practice, if that does not help, ban them from the games, then we will know if kids are playing for fun or parents.

One of my sons coaches banned parents form practice for about 3 months last season, it helped.

Tequilapark wrote:

mplsnsg wrote:Are the kids playing soccer for their enjoyment and development or is it for mommy and daddy?

Ban parents form practice, if that does not help, ban them from the games, then we will know if kids are playing for fun or parents.

One of my sons coaches banned parents form practice for about 3 months last season, it helped.

I agree and recall that (tremendous respect for that coach) - it does get better (not by a lot) as they kids get older. The 'improvement' is usually due to parents getting scolded or embarrassed enough to not attend.
I'm lucky as I sit on the bench, but the parents are often a great show from my seats. The parents are also the main reason I choose to sit there.

I'll just bet if you dropped your kid off at practice or at games and picked them up afterword, you'd likely never hear about the coach or referee - only about what your child wants to do next (non soccer-related).

I would also bet, if given a questionnaire on the reasons they are playing - development wouldn't be chosen by the kids, or, for that matter, winning. They like to win, but the value of wins is infinitely more in the minds of the adults than the kids.

While there is no place for profanity, yelling at a ref, or fighting with other parents this is still a competition. I think that as a society we are losing ground on the fact that competing is good and should be encouraged. That’s why we keep score. Not to feel good as a parent…..that’s silly because for most of us you lose more than you win. When kids get older the vast majority won’t be playing soccer but they will need to be able to compete for a job and if you have taught your kids how to do that then they will be very successful but if you go by the theory every one is a winner as long as you try hard then your child is in for a tough road….

At least that’s what I think for whats its worth

Tomuch, I completely agree with your thoughts on competition, as well as instill those same beliefs in my children. However, I believe the original post concerned HOW we go about competing, excessive and fanatical or mature and well behaved.

clueless wrote:

Tequilapark wrote:

mplsnsg wrote:Are the kids playing soccer for their enjoyment and development or is it for mommy and daddy?

Ban parents form practice, if that does not help, ban them from the games, then we will know if kids are playing for fun or parents.

One of my sons coaches banned parents form practice for about 3 months last season, it helped.

I agree and recall that (tremendous respect for that coach) - it does get better (not by a lot) as they kids get older. The 'improvement' is usually due to parents getting scolded or embarrassed enough to not attend.
I'm lucky as I sit on the bench, but the parents are often a great show from my seats. The parents are also the main reason I choose to sit there.

I'll just bet if you dropped your kid off at practice or at games and picked them up afterword, you'd likely never hear about the coach or referee - only about what your child wants to do next (non soccer-related).

I would also bet, if given a questionnaire on the reasons they are playing - development wouldn't be chosen by the kids, or, for that matter, winning. They like to win, but the value of wins is infinitely more in the minds of the adults than the kids.

So why would a Parent other than the Coach sit on the bench? If you are the Manager; shouldn't you be on the sidelines for damage control associated with the Parents?

Competition is good (and necessary), excuses are not.
The importance of the almighty 'W' drives many excuses and is not good for society in general (I believe it's often referred to as 'denial').

I've spoken to parents/coaches who have been in the sport for decades and they honestly believe referees are out to get their team. Keeping in mind that this is from people who play outside of NTX and with different clubs (the refs are all biased against NTX or their club). Anyone wonder what our practices would be like if we didn't keep score? Drills, drills, drills - hardly any tactics. The kids probably wouldn't know the difference, but, I don't think it would necessarily be good for the majority of the kids - it would, however, be good for the national team, eventually.

The kids are currently not only learning to compete, they are learning that making excuses and confronting authority is okay - it usually is not, IMO. Then, there's the point about losing their childhood...but, that's for another 800 post thread.

You think the manager's job is to control the parents? Good luck with that - there is no authority given to a manager, nor, punishment doled out to anyone other than the coach. I've received as many Cee Lo Green's as apologies when I've told the parents to calm down. Keep in mind, we are talking about human beings (for the most part) and emotional events - that's why classic leagues have A&D boards.

hunden97 wrote:Tomuch, I completely agree with your thoughts on competition, as well as instill those same beliefs in my children. However, I believe the original post concerned HOW we go about competing, excessive and fanatical or mature and well behaved.

totally agree just was responding to someone that asked why we keep score and why was it good for kids to know the score.....I might be right might be wrong but I was raised this way by a great Mom and Dad and it has worked out really well for me.

clueless wrote:Competition is good (and necessary), excuses are not.
The importance of the almighty 'W' drives many excuses and is not good for society in general (I believe it's often referred to as 'denial').

I've spoken to parents/coaches who have been in the sport for decades and they honestly believe referees are out to get their team. Keeping in mind that this is from people who play outside of NTX and with different clubs (the refs are all biased against NTX or their club). Anyone wonder what our practices would be like if we didn't keep score? Drills, drills, drills - hardly any tactics. The kids probably wouldn't know the difference, but, I don't think it would necessarily be good for the majority of the kids - it would, however, be good for the national team, eventually.

The kids are currently not only learning to compete, they are learning that making excuses and confronting authority is okay - it usually is not, IMO. Then, there's the point about losing their childhood...but, that's for another 800 post thread.

You think the manager's job is to control the parents? Good luck with that - there is no authority given to a manager, nor, punishment doled out to anyone other than the coach. I've received as many Cee Lo Green's as apologies when I've told the parents to calm down. Keep in mind, we are talking about human beings (for the most part) and emotional events - that's why classic leagues have A&D boards.

I think to a certain extent that is your job. I applaud any Manager out there for their efforts. It is a very thankless responsibility. Most high acheiving Teams have a "strong" Manager who can mitigate some poor behaviour issues.

rantnrave wrote:

clueless wrote:Competition is good (and necessary), excuses are not.
The importance of the almighty 'W' drives many excuses and is not good for society in general (I believe it's often referred to as 'denial').

I've spoken to parents/coaches who have been in the sport for decades and they honestly believe referees are out to get their team. Keeping in mind that this is from people who play outside of NTX and with different clubs (the refs are all biased against NTX or their club). Anyone wonder what our practices would be like if we didn't keep score? Drills, drills, drills - hardly any tactics. The kids probably wouldn't know the difference, but, I don't think it would necessarily be good for the majority of the kids - it would, however, be good for the national team, eventually.

The kids are currently not only learning to compete, they are learning that making excuses and confronting authority is okay - it usually is not, IMO. Then, there's the point about losing their childhood...but, that's for another 800 post thread.

You think the manager's job is to control the parents? Good luck with that - there is no authority given to a manager, nor, punishment doled out to anyone other than the coach. I've received as many Cee Lo Green's as apologies when I've told the parents to calm down. Keep in mind, we are talking about human beings (for the most part) and emotional events - that's why classic leagues have A&D boards.

I think to a certain extent that is your job. I applaud any Manager out there for their efforts. It is a very thankless responsibility. Most high acheiving Teams have a "strong" Manager who can mitigate some poor behaviour issues.

Thanks, appreciate the kudos. As The German can attest, I'm almost large enough to be one of his kids (almost).

Trust me, if that were my 'job' - I'd get some form of compensation for it, given how often I've been turned down to give it up, perhaps you are right in that some feel it's an adult-sitting endeavor. Almost without exception, the parents on the sideline are adults, some even act that way.

The only toothy punishment for bad behavior is getting rid of the parent and the coach - which happens in the older leagues. The manager is just a parent as well - there is no obligation of good behavior owed to him/her by most obnoxious folks (or, they'd obviously think of their kid and the others around them when they rant/rave). By getting rid of the coach, it sends a signal to the team - do you really want your manager to coach your game? I know the answer from my perspective (it would start with...'before you head to the parking lot, can you explain which players are on defense and which are on offense again?...).

The punishments in classic league are pretty severe when warranted - but, for SDL and leagues of that nature - there are other options if a parent/player gets expelled. Until multiple parents/players get the boot, behavior won't change. This is where both parents and kids learn the game, normally, one would assume the parental behavior part is learned over one's lifetime prior to signing their kid up for a league, but, perhaps, people tend to forget them over time (like, where'd my keys go?).

I have no problem keeping score. The kids know what the score is. However, my issue Toomuch is the fact that PARENTS create threads to know all of the scores. C'mon, who is that benefitting and how does that help "teach" competition? It doesn't. It help little parents feel better about themselves. I am all for keeping score and have no issue if sdl officially posts scores or keeps tack of such. However, they do not. If they do not care to keep track bexause they do not have playoffs/championships, I see no reason to. I know who are team beats. My son knows, but we don't dwell on it. He loves to kick a little a**, but has better things to do than keep harboring on it. Again, it's nice to see that there are differences of opinion and nice to see that there will always be others with some screws loose out there...

Agree with the original post and those are some very good clips that should be sent to every soccer parent and coach. I completely disagree with everyone who is waiting for the league to do something. It is the responsibility of every parent to be active in seeing that the behavior on their OWN sideline is proper. Under what circumstances do you allow your young children to be around adults who are consistently not conducting themselves properly ? School? Church? At friends houses? The answer is nowhere but soccer. Why? Anywhere else you would either leave, say something or take action to have that person corrected or removed. If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem. The leagues and managers are volunteers, it is not completely their job to control the environment you put your children in; its YOURS!

my2cents wrote:Agree with the original post and those are some very good clips that should be sent to every soccer parent and coach. I completely disagree with everyone who is waiting for the league to do something. It is the responsibility of every parent to be active in seeing that the behavior on their OWN sideline is proper. Under what circumstances do you allow your young children to be around adults who are consistently not conducting themselves properly ? School? Church? At friends houses? The answer is nowhere but soccer. Why? Anywhere else you would either leave, say something or take action to have that person corrected or removed. If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem. The leagues and managers are volunteers, it is not completely their job to control the environment you put your children in; its YOURS!

Well stated.

Tequilapark wrote:

mplsnsg wrote:Are the kids playing soccer for their enjoyment and development or is it for mommy and daddy?

Ban parents form practice, if that does not help, ban them from the games, then we will know if kids are playing for fun or parents.

One of my sons coaches banned parents form practice for about 3 months last season, it helped.

That is funny...God Almighty saw fit to write the 4th commandment. There is no commandment that addresses the importance of a coach.

my2cents wrote:Agree with the original post and those are some very good clips that should be sent to every soccer parent and coach. I completely disagree with everyone who is waiting for the league to do something. It is the responsibility of every parent to be active in seeing that the behavior on their OWN sideline is proper. Under what circumstances do you allow your young children to be around adults who are consistently not conducting themselves properly ? School? Church? At friends houses? The answer is nowhere but soccer. Why? Anywhere else you would either leave, say something or take action to have that person corrected or removed. If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem. The leagues and managers are volunteers, it is not completely their job to control the environment you put your children in; its YOURS!

So, let me ask you parents. My experience outside of soccer is very limited as none of my kids play any other sport. So, how is it around the football field ? Basketball ? Baseball ? Dance ? Is there anything special about soccer ?

gababa wrote:

my2cents wrote:Agree with the original post and those are some very good clips that should be sent to every soccer parent and coach. I completely disagree with everyone who is waiting for the league to do something. It is the responsibility of every parent to be active in seeing that the behavior on their OWN sideline is proper. Under what circumstances do you allow your young children to be around adults who are consistently not conducting themselves properly ? School? Church? At friends houses? The answer is nowhere but soccer. Why? Anywhere else you would either leave, say something or take action to have that person corrected or removed. If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem. The leagues and managers are volunteers, it is not completely their job to control the environment you put your children in; its YOURS!

So, let me ask you parents. My experience outside of soccer is very limited as none of my kids play any other sport. So, how is it around the football field ? Basketball ? Baseball ? Dance ? Is there anything special about soccer ?

American football parents are worse. I have seen fist fights break out during and after games. Soccer parents are relatively passive by comparison.

I just hope my daughter doesn't get into cheerleading.

Thinking about it, if I had to watch an entire baseball season I may actually need to get into some fights just to get some entertainment going (Hehehe, sorry, I couldn't resist)

clueless wrote:Competition is good (and necessary), excuses are not.
The importance of the almighty 'W' drives many excuses and is not good for society in general (I believe it's often referred to as 'denial').

I've spoken to parents/coaches who have been in the sport for decades and they honestly believe referees are out to get their team. Keeping in mind that this is from people who play outside of NTX and with different clubs (the refs are all biased against NTX or their club). Anyone wonder what our practices would be like if we didn't keep score? Drills, drills, drills - hardly any tactics. The kids probably wouldn't know the difference, but, I don't think it would necessarily be good for the majority of the kids - it would, however, be good for the national team, eventually.

The kids are currently not only learning to compete, they are learning that making excuses and confronting authority is okay - it usually is not, IMO. Then, there's the point about losing their childhood...but, that's for another 800 post thread.

You think the manager's job is to control the parents? Good luck with that - there is no authority given to a manager, nor, punishment doled out to anyone other than the coach. I've received as many Cee Lo Green's as apologies when I've told the parents to calm down. Keep in mind, we are talking about human beings (for the most part) and emotional events - that's why classic leagues have A&D boards.

If you are the manager and you can't control your parents then you are not doing your job. If you don't have the authority to do the job then you need to get some authority from your coach. CL Board has made it very clear that the coaches AND managers are responsible for controlling the parents. As for the "Cee Lo Green's", I would start handing out some fines to those parents. Not something I tolerate. Not something that you should have to tolerate either. I am sure that you don't tolerate that from your kids or co-workers Clue, don't tolerate it from parents either. You have more control than you think. Take advantage of that and get your coach to back you. Parents may not listen to you now but if they know that you are reporting these problems to your coach and that he agrees with you and has your back on this issue then they will start to listen. If your coach won't stand up for you then you should consider talking to the DOC and let him know that he has parents associated with his club that are leaving a bad impression about his club with the public. If you put that in terms of lost future revenue he might understand it even better. 9 times out of 10 it is usually just one or two parents acting like complete jackasses on the sideline. Most folks seem to behave. You can use that to your advantage too. Support from the parents as a whole to address the actions of the one misbehaving can also be effective. And, if the violator is told by enough people enough times that no one on the team appreciates that crap, eventually he/she will end up standing down by the corner flag by him/herself and keeping their big mouths closed more often.

The German wrote:[quote="soccer23] If you are the manager and you can't control your parents then you are not doing your job. If you don't have the authority to do the job then you need to get some authority from your coach.
If your coach won't stand up for you then you should consider talking to the DOC and let him know that he has parents associated with his club that are leaving a bad impression about his club with the public.

Besides that Clue is doing a tremendous job he is always talking to the coach AND DOC at the same time without an exception. Anyways his parents are calm compared to others.[/quote]

I am sure that he does a great job. Clue you always seemed like a good guy to me. I didn't really intend to direct my comments at Clue to suggest that he might not be doing his job. Hope it wasn't take that way. I meant "you" in the more general sense. However, I did mean to tell clue that he should not have to put up with parents telling him to "F.U." That ain't right under any circumstances. There is something to winning, I agree. However there is also something more to winning with civility and sportsmanship.

#6 Parents that are kicked off the field are required to wear a letter on their chest.

soccer23 wrote:

clueless wrote:Competition is good (and necessary), excuses are not.
The importance of the almighty 'W' drives many excuses and is not good for society in general (I believe it's often referred to as 'denial').

I've spoken to parents/coaches who have been in the sport for decades and they honestly believe referees are out to get their team. Keeping in mind that this is from people who play outside of NTX and with different clubs (the refs are all biased against NTX or their club). Anyone wonder what our practices would be like if we didn't keep score? Drills, drills, drills - hardly any tactics. The kids probably wouldn't know the difference, but, I don't think it would necessarily be good for the majority of the kids - it would, however, be good for the national team, eventually.

The kids are currently not only learning to compete, they are learning that making excuses and confronting authority is okay - it usually is not, IMO. Then, there's the point about losing their childhood...but, that's for another 800 post thread.

You think the manager's job is to control the parents? Good luck with that - there is no authority given to a manager, nor, punishment doled out to anyone other than the coach. I've received as many Cee Lo Green's as apologies when I've told the parents to calm down. Keep in mind, we are talking about human beings (for the most part) and emotional events - that's why classic leagues have A&D boards.

If you are the manager and you can't control your parents then you are not doing your job. If you don't have the authority to do the job then you need to get some authority from your coach. CL Board has made it very clear that the coaches AND managers are responsible for controlling the parents. As for the "Cee Lo Green's", I would start handing out some fines to those parents. Not something I tolerate. Not something that you should have to tolerate either. I am sure that you don't tolerate that from your kids or co-workers Clue, don't tolerate it from parents either. You have more control than you think. Take advantage of that and get your coach to back you. Parents may not listen to you now but if they know that you are reporting these problems to your coach and that he agrees with you and has your back on this issue then they will start to listen. If your coach won't stand up for you then you should consider talking to the DOC and let him know that he has parents associated with his club that are leaving a bad impression about his club with the public. If you put that in terms of lost future revenue he might understand it even better. 9 times out of 10 it is usually just one or two parents acting like complete jackasses on the sideline. Most folks seem to behave. You can use that to your advantage too. Support from the parents as a whole to address the actions of the one misbehaving can also be effective. And, if the violator is told by enough people enough times that no one on the team appreciates that crap, eventually he/she will end up standing down by the corner flag by him/herself and keeping their big mouths closed more often.

Good points, been doing this for over 10 years, trust me, I'm well versed in this - and you are correct, it's usually only a few and the majority are on board with my take on behavior.

I do like the 'not doing your job' - that's a good one! The term 'job' always is funny when applied to a semi-forced voluntary position. My parents (the favorite ones, that is) are supportive. The problem always comes when individuals don't think their behavior or their kid's behavior crosses a line (without referee/league backing), there is no definitive line. It's very similar to a referee who lets a jersey tug go - depends on their tolerance/interpretation for/of impeding progress or holding an opponent. I've had referees, other parents, the coach ask me to talk to some parents, they tend to hear that as coming from me personally (which, I'm certain I'm not immune to putting my own spin on something as with any third person conversation) and discount it.

I like the fine idea, although would have trouble fining someone if there is disagreement as to what is unacceptable - i.e. yelling at refs, yelling at kids, content of their yelling, sitting on visitor's side, not shaking hands, etc...it's all gray until they get kicked out of a game. Collecting the fine would be another thing altogether.

Thx German, our parents are pretty decent (unless they lose when they aren't supposed to) - despite all those F-chested shirts I passed out to them.

last time i checked the manager was a VOLUNTEER. The coach and league are PAID. They should police THEIR business and have the cojones to go after people. Most of these managers are women. I wouldn't want my wife to be in charge of calming down some obnoxious jerk.......

I was happy to see the posting by Gababa, particularly the first couple of lines. He must have been in my head. What strikes me as a newcomer is that skills don't really seem to be a focus in the programs I'm familiar with. And I hate to make such a broad statment because I'm sure there are coaches out there who do spend a lot of time teaching the skills. I've seen some. This is based on games I have watched. My son has a good coach and we are happy (both bb and mom/dad). But games I've watched, and discussions I've heard among other coaches and parents surprise me. It just seems like there is way too much focus on power/speed/aggressiveness. I'd much rather watch a game with beautiful brazilians style footskills, possession style offense. And I think the kids would have more fun. Call me naive, but I was surprised to see 2nd and 3rd grade boys throwing elbows, body blocks, blatant fouls. And the pride I hear on the sidelines from the parents of the kids who play dirty is shcoking at times. Another observation is, it seems these young players are traded and recruited like commodities, in the name of winning. Do the coaches who are paid salaries need to produce results (wins) in order to make themselves more marketable? And the forming of Superteams? What does that have to do with teaching skills. To me, the term "Academy" should mean "focus on learning", not "focus on winning". as for out of control parents, sometimes I think the kids on the fields would be embarrassed of the way "grown-ups" carry on.