I have a question for those that have sons that have been playing a high level since they were 8 or 9 and then onto a top level select team.

I was discussing with a friend the other day whose son played a high level through his younger years and then by age 15 he said enough. The father felt it was because the play was so intense at a younger age and the kid simply could not keep it up. He suggested I go the other way with my son, ( have him play on a lesser level team that more fun and less stress until he gets to at least 14 to 15 and then have him try for the better teams). This is assuming my kid is good enough.

Any thoughts from those that have been down this road. I would hate to have him play great at a high level until he is 15 or 16 and then call it quits because the pressure was too much for too long.

It depends on what you listen too. I hear it time and time again that my son/daughter quit by the age of 15 then trot out the excuse of burnt out.....coach never developed...........wanted to do other sports.....and so on. Not one has ever said "my kid was just an early developed human being" Happens all over the world but not here. It is important to love the game by 15/16 otherwise it becomes a chore and there are other things to do in HS like girls/boys! Good luck with your choice and I hope it works out, only time will tell

I honestly think getting them into a competitive environment before select age (U-11)is bad for mental and tactical development in most situations. Academy was supposed to be one practice and one game per week to augment the one rec practice and game per week. It has been loop holed into select junior with very few rules. Don't confuse that with select lite either because it is full blown competitive with most teams focused on winning. For an athlete to be successful at any sport at a high level they must have a passion for that sport. Playing in competitve leagues at U5 thru U8 develops in most programs a love of winning not of playing. The emphasis is on the outcome not the process. By U9-10 it is all out need to win to get to Classic League. Play him where he is happy. Don't worry about the level until at least U11. Then he should be playing select but once again play him where he enjoys it, gets along with teammates, has a good group of parents and a coach who believes in development. U14 or 15 is too late to try to just jump to playing at the upper levels but is ok for reaching that level after developing towards that goal.

my2cents wrote:I honestly think getting them into a competitive environment before select age (U-11)is bad for mental and tactical development in most situations. Academy was supposed to be one practice and one game per week to augment the one rec practice and game per week. It has been loop holed into select junior with very few rules. Don't confuse that with select lite either because it is full blown competitive with most teams focused on winning. For an athlete to be successful at any sport at a high level they must have a passion for that sport. Playing in competitve leagues at U5 thru U8 develops in most programs a love of winning not of playing. The emphasis is on the outcome not the process. By U9-10 it is all out need to win to get to Classic League. Play him where he is happy. Don't worry about the level until at least U11. Then he should be playing select but once again play him where he enjoys it, gets along with teammates, has a good group of parents and a coach who believes in development. U14 or 15 is too late to try to just jump to playing at the upper levels but is ok for reaching that level after developing towards that goal.

Thanks. That last part you said is the catch 22 of this whole thing. People say let him have fun, don't get too competitive until he is older, but then if you wait, he will have a hard time making a really good competitive team.

The new pre-academy team stuff also had me thinking about this. I have heard some parents say they would not want their kids on the PA team because it will be too much pressure, too early, and the kids will turn against the sport. They don't think a kid can keep up that level of play and intensity from age 13 to 18. I guess it really just depends on the kid...

If their kid has the ability to make a PA team, then believe me they are already playing at that level of intensity and pressure - and have been for quite some time.

Classic soccer is very competitive, and sometimes it is not as fun as it should be. Especially when every game is a must win... Sometimes the pressure can be overwhelming.... BB loves playing, and has I very high competitive spirit in him. He takes the losses very hard and takes wins in stride...

Bb sees classic league as an avenue to help him accomplish his goals of playing in college, and maybe even a pro one day. Will he get there I don't know, but what I do know is I will always support him in all his choices. And I will try to make his journey a pleasant one from my side of things....

I like to put together indoor teams for him and his friends in the off season, so that they can relieve some stress from the monster that is competitive soccer.... Also this year he played middle soccer, and that was a lot of fun for him.... Next year HS soccer will be in the mix, so he can have plenty of fun there playing in front of friends and family.... There is many more things that we can do in helping them not get burned out at an early age...

I would like to see us (parents) cheer for our kids at CL games more in the same way that we do when they play for the school... To many of us are way to quiet, or way to obnoxious at CL game sidelines..... Many times parents are the cause of player burnout.... How many times have you seen kids getting chewed out after games in the parking lot by some moron who thinks his kid should have done this or that in a game.... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!! I'VE SEEN YOU DO IT!!!!!

I am so tired of fat/out of shape/ midlife crisis dads who never played the game or if they did they played it back in the 70's when you were coached by whatever parent decided to volunteer that year... Those guys and some moms need to back OFF..... Some of you are the reason bb's don't want to play anymore.... If you've been getting on their case since academy, by the time they are 15, they've been hearing your crap for 5+ years..... More if you've been badgering him since rec....
On the way to practice, on the way home from practice, 2 x a week.... On the way to the game, after the game in the parking lot.... in the car..... later that night cause your still pissed they lost the game..... And so on and so on.... And don't get me started on sideline coaching.... That's a whole other can of worms.... You ever seen that bumper sticker that reads HIRE A TEENAGER WHILE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING??? Well instead of club stickers on our cars there should be some that read GET A PARENT TO COACH THE TEAM. EVIDENTLY THEY KNOW MORE THAN THE COACH.....

If your son really loves the game, and you let him enjoy it, his chances of getting burned out are very slim.... If he doesn't love the game but simply just likes to play it, you do the same thing.... Let him enjoy it.....

So you see We (parents) can help them succeed, or we can help them fail..... So let's check our ego at the door, and enjoy watching our bb's make good/bad/great/what was he thinking/awesome plays.....

trmntr1 wrote:Classic soccer is very competitive, and sometimes it is not as fun as it should be. Especially when every game is a must win... Sometimes the pressure can be overwhelming.... BB loves playing, and has I very high competitive spirit in him. He takes the losses very hard and takes wins in stride...

Bb sees classic league as an avenue to help him accomplish his goals of playing in college, and maybe even a pro one day. Will he get there I don't know, but what I do know is I will always support him in all his choices. And I will try to make his journey a pleasant one from my side of things....

I like to put together indoor teams for him and his friends in the off season, so that they can relieve some stress from the monster that is competitive soccer.... Also this year he played middle soccer, and that was a lot of fun for him.... Next year HS soccer will be in the mix, so he can have plenty of fun there playing in front of friends and family.... There is many more things that we can do in helping them not get burned out at an early age...

I would like to see us (parents) cheer for our kids at CL games more in the same way that we do when they play for the school... To many of us are way to quiet, or way to obnoxious at CL game sidelines..... Many times parents are the cause of player burnout.... How many times have you seen kids getting chewed out after games in the parking lot by some moron who thinks his kid should have done this or that in a game.... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!! I'VE SEEN YOU DO IT!!!!!

I am so tired of fat/out of shape/ midlife crisis dads who never played the game or if they did they played it back in the 70's when you were coached by whatever parent decided to volunteer that year... Those guys and some moms need to back OFF..... Some of you are the reason bb's don't want to play anymore.... If you've been getting on their case since academy, by the time they are 15, they've been hearing your crap for 5+ years..... More if you've been badgering him since rec....
On the way to practice, on the way home from practice, 2 x a week.... On the way to the game, after the game in the parking lot.... in the car..... later that night cause your still pissed they lost the game..... And so on and so on.... And don't get me started on sideline coaching.... That's a whole other can of worms.... You ever seen that bumper sticker that reads HIRE A TEENAGER WHILE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING??? Well instead of club stickers on our cars there should be some that read GET A PARENT TO COACH THE TEAM. EVIDENTLY THEY KNOW MORE THAN THE COACH.....

If your son really loves the game, and you let him enjoy it, his chances of getting burned out are very slim.... If he doesn't love the game but simply just likes to play it, you do the same thing.... Let him enjoy it.....

So you see We (parents) can help them succeed, or we can help them fail..... So let's check our ego at the door, and enjoy watching our bb's make good/bad/great/what was he thinking/awesome plays.....

All very good points and thanks for the insight. I have seen it at the younger ages where the dads get on their kids for not giving the effort or doing what a little pro would have done.

Thanks

Currently, I have a boy playing U17 at the top level. Both my older boy and girl stopped playoing select around U16 and both regret the decision not to keep playing through high school. Both had soccer scholarships and turned them down. Needless to say, my youngest boy uses that as his motivation to keep playing even though he suffers from "burnout".

With that...I'll give all the reasons all three of my kids have not been happy at one time or another. First, the club - It's important to find a club that actually cares about developing your kid and doesn't think of them as a commodity. Yes, there will always be players out there who are better and/or worse, but look at the dedication to the team and the club and take that into consideration before thinking your club is the place to be. Second, the coaches - All three of my kids have had coaches who can barely remember their name much less tell you anything about your kid. If the coaches and club don't care about your kid, how can you expect them to develop. Third, the players - Every team has them. The player clique that likes to judge and belittle the players who they don't like or fell ar up to their standards on any given week. No worries though, the target changes frequently. Lastly, the crazy psycho soccer parents who seem to forget that they are not the players. I could tell you stories that would make your head spin bout things I have seen and heard at practices and on the sidelines. They run the gammit from one end to the other and back.

All I can say is to use caution and make sure the the club, the coach, the team and the parents are all a good fit for your family. You will find that your child is not only excited to go to practice but their love for the game grows.

scrmom wrote:Currently, I have a boy playing U17 at the top level. Both my older boy and girl stopped playoing select around U16 and both regret the decision not to keep playing through high school. Both had soccer scholarships and turned them down. Needless to say, my youngest boy uses that as his motivation to keep playing even though he suffers from "burnout".

With that...I'll give all the reasons all three of my kids have not been happy at one time or another. First, the club - It's important to find a club that actually cares about developing your kid and doesn't think of them as a commodity. Yes, there will always be players out there who are better and/or worse, but look at the dedication to the team and the club and take that into consideration before thinking your club is the place to be. Second, the coaches - All three of my kids have had coaches who can barely remember their name much less tell you anything about your kid. If the coaches and club don't care about your kid, how can you expect them to develop. Third, the players - Every team has them. The player clique that likes to judge and belittle the players who they don't like or fell ar up to their standards on any given week. No worries though, the target changes frequently. Lastly, the crazy psycho soccer parents who seem to forget that they are not the players. I could tell you stories that would make your head spin bout things I have seen and heard at practices and on the sidelines. They run the gammit from one end to the other and back.

All I can say is to use caution and make sure the the club, the coach, the team and the parents are all a good fit for your family. You will find that your child is not only excited to go to practice but their love for the game grows.

Thanks. I mean no offense, but yours is the exact story I want to prevent in my kid. Sounds like it just became too much to deal with and your kids were happier elsewhere. I completely understand how that happens and think it is probably very common.

At what age did the pressure start to show in your kids? When did they first start talking about quitting?

trmntr1 wrote:Classic soccer is very competitive, and sometimes it is not as fun as it should be. Especially when every game is a must win... Sometimes the pressure can be overwhelming.... BB loves playing, and has I very high competitive spirit in him. He takes the losses very hard and takes wins in stride...

Bb sees classic league as an avenue to help him accomplish his goals of playing in college, and maybe even a pro one day. Will he get there I don't know, but what I do know is I will always support him in all his choices. And I will try to make his journey a pleasant one from my side of things....

I like to put together indoor teams for him and his friends in the off season, so that they can relieve some stress from the monster that is competitive soccer.... Also this year he played middle soccer, and that was a lot of fun for him.... Next year HS soccer will be in the mix, so he can have plenty of fun there playing in front of friends and family.... There is many more things that we can do in helping them not get burned out at an early age...

I would like to see us (parents) cheer for our kids at CL games more in the same way that we do when they play for the school... To many of us are way to quiet, or way to obnoxious at CL game sidelines..... Many times parents are the cause of player burnout.... How many times have you seen kids getting chewed out after games in the parking lot by some moron who thinks his kid should have done this or that in a game.... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!! I'VE SEEN YOU DO IT!!!!!

I am so tired of fat/out of shape/ midlife crisis dads who never played the game or if they did they played it back in the 70's when you were coached by whatever parent decided to volunteer that year... Those guys and some moms need to back OFF..... Some of you are the reason bb's don't want to play anymore.... If you've been getting on their case since academy, by the time they are 15, they've been hearing your crap for 5+ years..... More if you've been badgering him since rec....
On the way to practice, on the way home from practice, 2 x a week.... On the way to the game, after the game in the parking lot.... in the car..... later that night cause your still pissed they lost the game..... And so on and so on.... And don't get me started on sideline coaching.... That's a whole other can of worms.... You ever seen that bumper sticker that reads HIRE A TEENAGER WHILE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING??? Well instead of club stickers on our cars there should be some that read GET A PARENT TO COACH THE TEAM. EVIDENTLY THEY KNOW MORE THAN THE COACH.....

If your son really loves the game, and you let him enjoy it, his chances of getting burned out are very slim.... If he doesn't love the game but simply just likes to play it, you do the same thing.... Let him enjoy it.....

So you see We (parents) can help them succeed, or we can help them fail..... So let's check our ego at the door, and enjoy watching our bb's make good/bad/great/what was he thinking/awesome plays.....

Well said… parents need to listen to their child

My bb was playing for a top 5 01 boys team up until 6 months ago. After a tournament he told me he didnt want to play for this team any longer. He said he was tired of everything having to be so perfect. I fortunately listened to him and he is now starting to have fun again. As parents we decided to not worry about if the team was winning or not but to focus more on if my bb was learning and if he liked the coach. He is now on a team that is not within the top 10 even but he is starting to enjoy the game again. Only time will tell.

My oldest didnt get into select ball until he was U14 and this has actually worked out great. He is more motivated now than ever. He's U18 now and soccer is all he thinks about.

Listen to your kids!

My bb decided to quit because of burnout, nothing else.

The 1 1/2-2 hr practices 2-3 times per week including some holidays, CL games plus weekend scrimmages and tournaments were too much.

Winning was fun, (top U-13 D1 team/coach) but the intensity and pressure took it's toll.
No pressure from me, the parent. I kept soccer chat to a minimum with my bb but just enough to let him know how well he played, regardless.
(I have seen the parent that pressures their kid into doing what they want and not what their bb wants and it is sad, borders on emotional abuse, or is).

I can't say if my bb would've had a different attitude had he been on a different team but he was not interested in trying out with any other teams this month. The passion is gone.
It is painful after 8 yrs of watching him play.

Running wrote:

trmntr1 wrote:Classic soccer is very competitive, and sometimes it is not as fun as it should be. Especially when every game is a must win... Sometimes the pressure can be overwhelming.... BB loves playing, and has I very high competitive spirit in him. He takes the losses very hard and takes wins in stride...

Bb sees classic league as an avenue to help him accomplish his goals of playing in college, and maybe even a pro one day. Will he get there I don't know, but what I do know is I will always support him in all his choices. And I will try to make his journey a pleasant one from my side of things....

I like to put together indoor teams for him and his friends in the off season, so that they can relieve some stress from the monster that is competitive soccer.... Also this year he played middle soccer, and that was a lot of fun for him.... Next year HS soccer will be in the mix, so he can have plenty of fun there playing in front of friends and family.... There is many more things that we can do in helping them not get burned out at an early age...

I would like to see us (parents) cheer for our kids at CL games more in the same way that we do when they play for the school... To many of us are way to quiet, or way to obnoxious at CL game sidelines..... Many times parents are the cause of player burnout.... How many times have you seen kids getting chewed out after games in the parking lot by some moron who thinks his kid should have done this or that in a game.... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!! I'VE SEEN YOU DO IT!!!!!

I am so tired of fat/out of shape/ midlife crisis dads who never played the game or if they did they played it back in the 70's when you were coached by whatever parent decided to volunteer that year... Those guys and some moms need to back OFF..... Some of you are the reason bb's don't want to play anymore.... If you've been getting on their case since academy, by the time they are 15, they've been hearing your crap for 5+ years..... More if you've been badgering him since rec....
On the way to practice, on the way home from practice, 2 x a week.... On the way to the game, after the game in the parking lot.... in the car..... later that night cause your still pissed they lost the game..... And so on and so on.... And don't get me started on sideline coaching.... That's a whole other can of worms.... You ever seen that bumper sticker that reads HIRE A TEENAGER WHILE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING??? Well instead of club stickers on our cars there should be some that read GET A PARENT TO COACH THE TEAM. EVIDENTLY THEY KNOW MORE THAN THE COACH.....

If your son really loves the game, and you let him enjoy it, his chances of getting burned out are very slim.... If he doesn't love the game but simply just likes to play it, you do the same thing.... Let him enjoy it.....

So you see We (parents) can help them succeed, or we can help them fail..... So let's check our ego at the door, and enjoy watching our bb's make good/bad/great/what was he thinking/awesome plays.....

All very good points and thanks for the insight. I have seen it at the younger ages where the dads get on their kids for not giving the effort or doing what a little pro would have done.

Thanks

Very well said from trmntr1, however I disagree concerning the "giving the effort" part. I explain to my kids that you should always put forth effort, always! It doesn't matter what activity, but I think all kids should at least match the effort the parents put into their activities. I will never come down on my kids because they didn't score a goal, or they didn't make the right pass, but they sure as heck better always put forth the effort and work hard. Just saying...

hunden97 wrote:

Running wrote:

trmntr1 wrote:Classic soccer is very competitive, and sometimes it is not as fun as it should be. Especially when every game is a must win... Sometimes the pressure can be overwhelming.... BB loves playing, and has I very high competitive spirit in him. He takes the losses very hard and takes wins in stride...

Bb sees classic league as an avenue to help him accomplish his goals of playing in college, and maybe even a pro one day. Will he get there I don't know, but what I do know is I will always support him in all his choices. And I will try to make his journey a pleasant one from my side of things....

I like to put together indoor teams for him and his friends in the off season, so that they can relieve some stress from the monster that is competitive soccer.... Also this year he played middle soccer, and that was a lot of fun for him.... Next year HS soccer will be in the mix, so he can have plenty of fun there playing in front of friends and family.... There is many more things that we can do in helping them not get burned out at an early age...

I would like to see us (parents) cheer for our kids at CL games more in the same way that we do when they play for the school... To many of us are way to quiet, or way to obnoxious at CL game sidelines..... Many times parents are the cause of player burnout.... How many times have you seen kids getting chewed out after games in the parking lot by some moron who thinks his kid should have done this or that in a game.... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!! I'VE SEEN YOU DO IT!!!!!

I am so tired of fat/out of shape/ midlife crisis dads who never played the game or if they did they played it back in the 70's when you were coached by whatever parent decided to volunteer that year... Those guys and some moms need to back OFF..... Some of you are the reason bb's don't want to play anymore.... If you've been getting on their case since academy, by the time they are 15, they've been hearing your crap for 5+ years..... More if you've been badgering him since rec....
On the way to practice, on the way home from practice, 2 x a week.... On the way to the game, after the game in the parking lot.... in the car..... later that night cause your still pissed they lost the game..... And so on and so on.... And don't get me started on sideline coaching.... That's a whole other can of worms.... You ever seen that bumper sticker that reads HIRE A TEENAGER WHILE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING??? Well instead of club stickers on our cars there should be some that read GET A PARENT TO COACH THE TEAM. EVIDENTLY THEY KNOW MORE THAN THE COACH.....

If your son really loves the game, and you let him enjoy it, his chances of getting burned out are very slim.... If he doesn't love the game but simply just likes to play it, you do the same thing.... Let him enjoy it.....

So you see We (parents) can help them succeed, or we can help them fail..... So let's check our ego at the door, and enjoy watching our bb's make good/bad/great/what was he thinking/awesome plays.....

All very good points and thanks for the insight. I have seen it at the younger ages where the dads get on their kids for not giving the effort or doing what a little pro would have done.

Thanks

Very well said from trmntr1, however I disagree concerning the "giving the effort" part. I explain to my kids that you should always put forth effort, always! It doesn't matter what activity, but I think all kids should at least match the effort the parents put into their activities. I will never come down on my kids because they didn't score a goal, or they didn't make the right pass, but they sure as heck better always put forth the effort and work hard. Just saying...

I agree with you 100%, I was referring to the parents who yell at their kids to give more effort, even after the kid is killing himself on the field. Some parents think a lack of ability is not giving effort. That is sad to see because sometime a kid can't go any harder, he just may not be good enough and it looks like poor effort.

A few weeks ago, my BB was being aggressively recruited for one of the PA teams. At first we all knew that was too much for our situation, but when the actual call came he changed his mind and wanted to do it. It was difficult for me to stand my ground and "help him" make the right decision about this. He has no idea what it means to make a decision to give up everything else before setting one foot in high school. Too serious too early. He was mad at me for 12 hours and that was the end of it. He has been playing competitively since U12. He loves his team and still loves the game and is doing very well in Classic league. I'd say continued learning and development + fun = a good formula for success for us. If one of those things goes away, we'll be looking for a change. Good luck!

Running wrote:

hunden97 wrote:

Running wrote:

trmntr1 wrote:Classic soccer is very competitive, and sometimes it is not as fun as it should be. Especially when every game is a must win... Sometimes the pressure can be overwhelming.... BB loves playing, and has I very high competitive spirit in him. He takes the losses very hard and takes wins in stride...

Bb sees classic league as an avenue to help him accomplish his goals of playing in college, and maybe even a pro one day. Will he get there I don't know, but what I do know is I will always support him in all his choices. And I will try to make his journey a pleasant one from my side of things....

I like to put together indoor teams for him and his friends in the off season, so that they can relieve some stress from the monster that is competitive soccer.... Also this year he played middle soccer, and that was a lot of fun for him.... Next year HS soccer will be in the mix, so he can have plenty of fun there playing in front of friends and family.... There is many more things that we can do in helping them not get burned out at an early age...

I would like to see us (parents) cheer for our kids at CL games more in the same way that we do when they play for the school... To many of us are way to quiet, or way to obnoxious at CL game sidelines..... Many times parents are the cause of player burnout.... How many times have you seen kids getting chewed out after games in the parking lot by some moron who thinks his kid should have done this or that in a game.... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!! I'VE SEEN YOU DO IT!!!!!

I am so tired of fat/out of shape/ midlife crisis dads who never played the game or if they did they played it back in the 70's when you were coached by whatever parent decided to volunteer that year... Those guys and some moms need to back OFF..... Some of you are the reason bb's don't want to play anymore.... If you've been getting on their case since academy, by the time they are 15, they've been hearing your crap for 5+ years..... More if you've been badgering him since rec....
On the way to practice, on the way home from practice, 2 x a week.... On the way to the game, after the game in the parking lot.... in the car..... later that night cause your still pissed they lost the game..... And so on and so on.... And don't get me started on sideline coaching.... That's a whole other can of worms.... You ever seen that bumper sticker that reads HIRE A TEENAGER WHILE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING??? Well instead of club stickers on our cars there should be some that read GET A PARENT TO COACH THE TEAM. EVIDENTLY THEY KNOW MORE THAN THE COACH.....

If your son really loves the game, and you let him enjoy it, his chances of getting burned out are very slim.... If he doesn't love the game but simply just likes to play it, you do the same thing.... Let him enjoy it.....

So you see We (parents) can help them succeed, or we can help them fail..... So let's check our ego at the door, and enjoy watching our bb's make good/bad/great/what was he thinking/awesome plays.....

All very good points and thanks for the insight. I have seen it at the younger ages where the dads get on their kids for not giving the effort or doing what a little pro would have done.

Thanks

Very well said from trmntr1, however I disagree concerning the "giving the effort" part. I explain to my kids that you should always put forth effort, always! It doesn't matter what activity, but I think all kids should at least match the effort the parents put into their activities. I will never come down on my kids because they didn't score a goal, or they didn't make the right pass, but they sure as heck better always put forth the effort and work hard. Just saying...

I agree with you 100%, I was referring to the parents who yell at their kids to give more effort, even after the kid is killing himself on the field. Some parents think a lack of ability is not giving effort. That is sad to see because sometime a kid can't go any harder, he just may not be good enough and it looks like poor effort.

Gotcha! You're right on.

Running wrote:

scrmom wrote:Currently, I have a boy playing U17 at the top level. Both my older boy and girl stopped playoing select around U16 and both regret the decision not to keep playing through high school. Both had soccer scholarships and turned them down. Needless to say, my youngest boy uses that as his motivation to keep playing even though he suffers from "burnout".

With that...I'll give all the reasons all three of my kids have not been happy at one time or another. First, the club - It's important to find a club that actually cares about developing your kid and doesn't think of them as a commodity. Yes, there will always be players out there who are better and/or worse, but look at the dedication to the team and the club and take that into consideration before thinking your club is the place to be. Second, the coaches - All three of my kids have had coaches who can barely remember their name much less tell you anything about your kid. If the coaches and club don't care about your kid, how can you expect them to develop. Third, the players - Every team has them. The player clique that likes to judge and belittle the players who they don't like or fell ar up to their standards on any given week. No worries though, the target changes frequently. Lastly, the crazy psycho soccer parents who seem to forget that they are not the players. I could tell you stories that would make your head spin bout things I have seen and heard at practices and on the sidelines. They run the gammit from one end to the other and back.

All I can say is to use caution and make sure the the club, the coach, the team and the parents are all a good fit for your family. You will find that your child is not only excited to go to practice but their love for the game grows.

Thanks. I mean no offense, but yours is the exact story I want to prevent in my kid. Sounds like it just became too much to deal with and your kids were happier elsewhere. I completely understand how that happens and think it is probably very common.

At what age did the pressure start to show in your kids? When did they first start talking about quitting?

My oldest son played until the middle of his freshman year in high school. He made the varsity team as and quit half way through the season. He said the high school team was fine but his club team had changed so much that the boys weren’t exactly anyone he would want to be friends with. He also said there is no accountability for mistakes and far to much blame for his liking so he quite.

My daughter made the top D1 team in the U14 bracket and the she and the coach had a definite personality conflict. So much so that when we asked to talk to the coach, he flat out refused to meet with us to discuss her progress or lack there of; she got to the point that she would fake injury just so she didn’t have to step foot on the same field as the coach. We tried to address our concerns with the club and they really could care less about anything we had to say. So sad because a single coach took a girl who used to live and breathe soccer could care less about playing. She even refused to play high school ball saying that the soccer wasn’t good and the play was really dirty so she wasn’t interested. Finally, the club offered her a spot on a lower D2 team and she hated to lose so she gave up.

My youngest has had the hardest time finding a fit. He plays D1 and loved his team a couple of years ago and year before last was a struggle for him because of the parents and their opinions which influenced the opinions of the players. Guys he used to hang out with and was friends with have now become people he barely speaks to. I have heard derogatory statements made about my son by parents on the sideline. Then I got “oops – Sorry” when they realized me or my husband were standing there. We aren’t overly social parents and that is our fault because we don’t have time for such childish behavior and I think the other post by trmntr 1 hits it on the head. The parents live through their kids and get beyond carried away. My boy has a great team this year and has never been happier since we changed teams and clubs. He actually looks forward to practice and works harder than ever for this coach. The most important thing is to find a fit that works for the whole family. I cannot stress this point enough. In fact, we are looking forward to finishing our high school career off strong next year at U-18 with his team. The parents are a nice group of people and the coach actually takes time to talk to the boys as people. He actually interacts with them instead of showing up as it’s time for the game to start staying only long enough for the game and the butt chewing that comes after - before making a B-line to the parking lot or the next game.

I know I rambled but I hope I have managed to answer some of your questions.

go99 wrote:I hear this burnout question alot. There are many reasons for it. Some kids and their parents experience alot of success and focus on it early often due to early birth month or size and athleticism. They enjoy the game because of the success and not because of a love for the game itself. Right around 15 those things stop paying dividends and skill takes over. For some it bcomes time to cash out. Others it is because of the enviornment (bad coach, parents, team) But it is up to the parent to leave the kid in that situation you cannot allow you kid to stay in a bad situation. The team, parents, friends, all cannot be more important than the soccer. This is not a social club and you cannot carry your friends with you or hang on to them. The kid must love the "game" and this is developed when they are you. Unfortunately many are too busy fucusing on the wins, or this top team etc and not on learning to play and love what you are doing purely for the love of it. Eventually it becomes hard work and takes more commitement than many 15 yr olds are willing to give unless they love it enough. I believe it was Warren sapp who commented that they don't pay him millions to play football. He would come out on sunday and play it for free because he loves the game that much. They pay him to practice because without that there is no way he would show up. So basically there is no such thing as burnout. There are many valid reasons for a kid to quit and frankly many would probably quit earlier if it wasn't for fear of dissappointing mom and dad (15 they start to express independance). If a kid loves the game enough, he would play it in rec if he had too, if not D2 may not have enough presige for him.

All well said except for that. If you can't stand to be around the parents then your kid will not like their kids as teammates. If the parents values in and around soccer are not in the right place then their kids as players won't be either. When looking for a team if the parents as a group give you a bad vibe then walk immediately.

Totally agree that parents need to listen to their kid. Set him up for success. Where you want him to play may not be where your son wants to play. If the parent forces the issue, it could be a long year for the whole family.
What also makes this topic interesting is the maturity level at this age. Some have hit puberty and some have not. Some are still boys and some are young men. Parents need to pay attention to that, not just from a standpoint of size, but mental health too. Think about how your kid will react if the going gets tough. How will you react as a parent? Will you set a good example for him?

I agree with Go. It's about the soccer. My bb doesn't need to move "in a pack" like some do. He makes his soccer decisions for himself with his parents help.

Luckily, he doesn't seem to lose the friendships. Those are maintained despite where any particular player ends up.