Has anyone had a son that up and decided they had enough and wanted to get off the merry go round of select soccer? I have three boys and the oldest has decided he is done with select, at age 13, and wants to stop at the end of the season. He has never been as hardcore about it as his younger brothers, but has always enjoyed it and worked hard. He plays on a lower level league team, out of classic league, and plays well. Was kind of a shock to hear him tell me he thinks he wants to call it quits at the end of the season.


He played Academy from age 8 and I think maybe it was too much, too often with year round training and multiple camps etc. Still think he has potential to get much better, but if he does not want it, then we will find something else for him.

Makes you think about if you are doing it for the kid or your own enjoyment. Not going to lie, I will miss the games and tournaments if he does quit.

Glad to hear you let him make the choice. He may decide to come back later. Support him in whatever he wants to play.

I can totally see it happening. At 10, my son still loves it. But I think burnout could become an issue, especially with him being on the "top" team in our club. There is always pressure to perform at a high level. Not to mention the number of days a week we commit to soccer with practices, skills, and games. Then the coach talking about travel, upcoming two-a-day practices this summer, and the qualifying tournament. That's a lot of pressure for a little guy.

I can honestly say that my son has more training and talent than I ever had. But when it is no fun anymore, it's time to find something else to do. Soccer takes over your life if you let it. I suppose any sport is like that, especially at the club level. Good luck with your son. Find something he loves. Maybe golf?

This ties in perfectly with the "classic...is there a better way to develop?" thread.

The answer is "no" and this topic only reinforces it.

I take the term "burnout" with a grain of salt.

I don't personally believe that a kid having a soccer ball at their feet 4, 5 or 7 days a week is a bad thing.

It's all the crap that goes along with it. Pressure to win, overzealous coaches and parents...spending 40-50 weekends a year playing overly competitive games/leagues and the constant quest for tournament trophies.

We're talking about kids here.

With older teenagers, "burnout" is usually an excuse for a kid to throw up his hands and say "enough". Too many extracurricular activities (because let's face it...very hard for parents to stop being friends and be parents...by teaching the kids to set priorities.)

School clubs, piano lessons, other sports/activities, academics, etc. all take a toll on a kid's mindset.

often it isn't necessarily soccer that is the problem. it's trying to do too much. And soccer becomes the casualty of that tug of war.

The moral of the story here is, let the kid decide how much soccer they want.

Parents are duped into thinking that if they don't sign up for everything their kid will somehow "fall behind".

The reality is that a kid playing on their own, indoor/futsal and especially playing with friends (pickup) will do a thousand times more for them than playing on a club's 'top team' in d1 classic will ever do.

Learn to draw the line now. Even pro players have an off season. If not you will be going year round and if they don't burn out they will start getting injuries. Two-a-day at 10. No, no, hell no.

My son did the same thing started select with a top D1 team and it was not a fit for him. It was too much for him at age 11. Went back to his original team he had played for before and hated it also.

He loved the game and still wanted to play so he went back to rec with another boy he played select with and that was not a fit at all they both were so far ahead of the other boys.

After not having the competition he went back to select and is now playing on a top D1 team and is a sophomore and is starting on his high school team.

I think you are doing the correct thing by not pushing your son let him make the choice and support him with his decision.

He will not be able to see younger brothers having all the fun and will be asking to come back and play again.

my2cents wrote:Learn to draw the line now. Even pro players have an off season. If not you will be going year round and if they don't burn out they will start getting injuries. Two-a-day at 10. No, no, hell no.

I totally agree My2cents and Madisonmeyers.
Every half of the summer, my BB packs it up and heads to Central America with my wife.
He's on an awesome academy team, but I do hear from time to time about "burnout".
My kid loves soccer and he's a very good player (and A-B student). Dang sure no pressure from me when it comes to soccer.
If he ever wants to pack it up and take a break, or try another sport or team, he knows I'll support him 100%.
I've told my little man before, it's not about me being happy, it's all about him.

He does play pick-up soccer overseas with his cousins, but with NO PRESSURE or coaching.

And, maybe he wants to try something else...maybe even, gasp, that American football game ???

It's good that he has enough self-esteem to make his own decisions...That's what you want your kids to be able to do. And, you'll get to enjoy some new "watching" activities!

I know it hurts to hear that. The reason it hurt me when my kid said it was, initially, I felt he was quitting on himself. As time went by, I realized how unrealistic I had been with my son and sports.

My son wanted to quit right before we started in D1 classic. His coach begged me to bring him back. After a month he wanted to go back on his own. We completed a long, arduous season, toughest year of our lives, mostly related to soccer.. After the season, we found a new team in D3, found a coach my son fell in love with, and he's back to enjoying soccer again. He never gave a crap about D1,D3, D12. He just wanted to play. That was all ME.

You are doing the right thing, letting him make the decisions. I feel you about missing games and tourneys, because for so many years their endeavors engulf our lives--we're invested in it. When that stops, its jarring.

I was always my son's biggest hurdle--pressure, too many games/camps etc..., always looking for elite level, expecting too much. I have to learn the better way all over again every new day! LOL. I am a work in progress.

You're doing it right.

Gatorz, one of mine recently quit playing competitive soccer after playing on a top team. We had been talking with him and noticed he had lost the "fire" and "passion" to play - he enjoyed playing bball, baseball, playing in the band, and hanging out with his friends more. He still plays soccer around the house, juggling, shooting, practicing moves, but he does not feel pressured to do it - he does it because he is having fun and it is not soccer homework.

We started him early and I think looking back it was a case of too much too soon. He loved it, loved playing, was way better than the kids he played with in rec, but he learned when he reached middle school there was alot more he could do and he could do well at those things too. He was pretty serious and almost an introvert about soccer, but now he is carefree, happy-go-lucky, and very relaxed. We are sad he is not playing, but as a family we are all so much happier and it was the best decision we made.

Not directing this at any of the posters here but this is the problem with the many competitive academy leagues. Used to be burn out occurred at high school ages. Now we have kids at the ripe old age of 10, 11 years old, are 3 year veterans of competitive soccer and burned out. They are not wired for the pressure that comes with it. Developmentally they are not ready, it causes stress, and kills the passion for many.

Thanks for the thoughts. I think it has been too much pushing on my part to see if he can get to a higher level and making a big deal about games, wins, tournaments, etc. He is not at the D1 level but even in the lower leagues, the games can be stressfull each week as the team is trying to move up the standings. Probably too much focus on it around the house and talk about each weeks games, strategies, etc.

It will be fine if he chooses to drop soccer as he is an athletic kid, does well in school and is a great kid overall. He does have other interests, probably despite my best efforts at times to have him focus even more on soccer when young. He plays basketball and likes cross country.

It has definately changed my focus for the younger two and I will be a lot less concerned about making sure we do all the camps, skills training etc. However, I also think each kid is different so you have to read each one individually.

Wanted to add that my bb joined the "whiz quiz" team at school--ya know, where 2 gaggles of nerds from different schools compete answering questions related to art, science, history, current events, etc...

Watching him do that is as much fun as any soccer game.

Seriously.

He also involves himself in the school play each year.

My point is it doesn't matter what they're into-- as long as it is constructive, you can support them and enjoy that success as much as anything they ever did on the pitch/gridiron/court/ mat/in the ring.

But if you're a former athlete, sports rule!

my2cents wrote:Not directing this at any of the posters here but this is the problem with the many competitive academy leagues. Used to be burn out occurred at high school ages. Now we have kids at the ripe old age of 10, 11 years old, are 3 year veterans of competitive soccer and burned out. They are not wired for the pressure that comes with it. Developmentally they are not ready, it causes stress, and kills the passion for many.

I am starting to agree with you, but I also think it is a catch 22. One of my younger sons is a very good player and he has played Academy for a few years as well. If I go against the system annd pull him out, he will go back to rec and get frustrated playing with kids that can't keep up. If he plays Academy, the pressure mounts and he may wind up wanting to quit like his brother.

Not sure there is a workable solution just yet, but I am starting to look for one.

Mine did it! Last year he was in DI (gk). He got to the point where he didn't even want to play anymore. He was blamed for every goal. Didn't matter if he made several 1 v 1 saves, all goals were his fault. He took a few weeks off and decided he missed it, but wanted a change. He wanted a chance to play on the field some. (Average field player) He is now playing in Arlington with a coach he respects. He gets lots of shots taken on him (more than before), and he's still going to gk training. I know he hasn't dropped off too much, because CL coaches are still asking about him in tournaments/indoor, etc. He said he'll try out for a CL team when he enters 8th grade. He now has the passion back and he's SMILING again.

The most honest thread this forum has put out in a long time. Great stories to read. Our kids just want to play.

Gatorz wrote:

my2cents wrote:Not directing this at any of the posters here but this is the problem with the many competitive academy leagues. Used to be burn out occurred at high school ages. Now we have kids at the ripe old age of 10, 11 years old, are 3 year veterans of competitive soccer and burned out. They are not wired for the pressure that comes with it. Developmentally they are not ready, it causes stress, and kills the passion for many.

I am starting to agree with you, but I also think it is a catch 22. One of my younger sons is a very good player and he has played Academy for a few years as well. If I go against the system annd pull him out, he will go back to rec and get frustrated playing with kids that can't keep up. If he plays Academy, the pressure mounts and he may wind up wanting to quit like his brother.

Not sure there is a workable solution just yet, but I am starting to look for one.

Find a coach that he loves and that cares more about the game then wins and losses. they are not easy to find but there are some out there. Some that just love to coach, are not in it for the prestige and actually care about teaching your BB soccer.

"Find a coach that he loves and that cares more about the game then wins and losses. they are not easy to find but there are some out there. Some that just love to coach, are not in it for the prestige and actually care about teaching your BB soccer."

you will never find that in classic league, as long as there is relegation, soccer skills will be second to wins. unfortunately a big part of the problem is staring us back in the mirror. for proof go look at the 02 rankings posts and the even sillier 04 rankings chatter

soccerisgood123 wrote:"Find a coach that he loves and that cares more about the game then wins and losses. they are not easy to find but there are some out there. Some that just love to coach, are not in it for the prestige and actually care about teaching your BB soccer."

you will never find that in classic league, as long as there is relegation, soccer skills will be second to wins. unfortunately a big part of the problem is staring us back in the mirror. for proof go look at the 02 rankings posts and the even sillier 04 rankings chatter

Glad us 03 parents have it all figured out...

If my son has no desire to play classic league (or soccer for that matter) than he can stop playing once he finishes out the season. He plays other sports and likes them but, as of now, they are all far off in the distance of his rear view mirror.

02 and 04 ranking are clearly serious business and GotSoccer should be petitioned to step up....

This burnout topic is a really good one. Just the kind of thread that makes this forum worthwhile.

Seems to me that we have a delicate balancing act as parents in allowing our kids to make their own decisions on extra curricular sports while teaching them principles such as not quitting when the going gets tough.

It is perfectly natural that some kids will move away from soccer in favor of other activities as they get older and interests change. However, it is clear from the earlier postings that we are inadvertently placing many pressures on our kids that can kill the enjoyment.

This is a great thread. I know I have made some mistakes with my own son. Luckily, it hasn't affected his passion and desire for the game.

I think the most important thing to remember is we are talking about kids. Kids want to have fun. There's nothing wrong with working hard and having fun. Frankly, that's what we should be looking for in a club/coach. Not their wins and losses.

There's nothing wrong with being competitive. The kids do that on their own. But basing everything off of results is criminal.

That's why i think promotion/relegation is a bad idea. State cups, premier leagues, etc. shouldn't exist for players below U15. (Much less u10/11.)

I think rec, futsal/indoor, 3v3 and pickup games are actually better developmental tools for players.

That said, i think we need to distinguish between "too much soccer" and "burnout". Burnout comes from the constant competitive pressure that comes from league and tournament play. (No longer enjoyable.)

it is rare for a kid that is having fun (yet plays every chance he gets) to up and say, "I quit."

soccerisgood123 wrote:unfortunately a big part of the problem is staring us back in the mirror. for proof go look at the 02 rankings posts and the even sillier 04 rankings chatter